Caring Connection News
Helpful tips for family caregivers

Who covers you in an emergency?

As a family caregiver, your role is essential to your loved one’s well-being. But what happens if you get sick, injured, or face an emergency? Even if your relative is primarily taken care of by someone else, there’s also a chance that person may be unavailable at some point. Having a plan that identifies backup helpers ensures care continues smoothly for your loved one no matter what life brings. Here’s how to get started:

Identify a backup caregiver. Brainstorm who is local, available, and able to step in quickly. It might be a friend, neighbor, or another family member. Ideally, they are already familiar with your loved one. They also need to be reliable and able to stay level headed in an emergency.

The task doesn’t have to fall on one person; you can build a team of helpers. Confirm with your backup(s) that they’re willing to take on the role and be ready when needed.

Create a detailed plan. Whoever you choose, give them the information they need to take on the caregiver role. Collect information about your loved one’s

• providers: doctors, pharmacy, healthcare proxies, care manager, attorney, financial contacts, family members
• health: diagnoses, allergies, medication dosages and schedules
• routines: meals, sleep schedule, personal care needs, favorite activities
• legal documents: copies of important papers, such as durable power of attorney and healthcare directive
• local resources: preferred home care agencies, private care, respite care

Organize these details in a folder or binder to be kept in an easy-to-find spot at your relative’s home. If you are a long-distance caregiver, share the information via email. Go over the information with your backup(s) and address any questions they have. Review the plan monthly for updates.

Update your information. Especially if you are doing daily care, make sure you wear an ID bracelet, carry a wallet card, and under “ICE” (in case of emergency) on your cell phone, have a message that identifies you as a caregiver. Add your backup’s contact information.

With a solid plan in place, you’ll have peace of mind should the unexpected occur.

Navigating frustration as a caregiver

Does caring for a loved one stir up some unwanted emotions for you? You’re not alone. While frustration may feel shameful to admit, it’s a common challenge in family caregiving. Think of frustration as the froth from deeper feelings brewing inside, such as disappointment, loneliness, anger, and stress overload. The key is to not expect that if you’re a “good caregiver,” you’ll never feel frustrated. Instead, learn how to keep those feelings from boiling over.

Examine expectations. When you’re caregiving, little is going to go exactly as planned. Maybe it’s time to take a look at your inner script and ease up on what you expect of yourself. Also, be realistic that your relative is doing the best they can, given their condition.

Preventative measures. It sounds trite, but it’s true: Taking good care of yourself can give you the patience and inner resources to better handle frustrating events. Build respite and meaningful activities into your schedule. Don’t skip meals, exercise, or sleep. Fatigue is a key trigger for frustration.

Reach out. Look for an outside source of support and understanding. This might be a friend, therapist, or support group where you can openly and regularly share your feelings. Having your feelings validated can do a lot to release pressure. And in the midst of a trying time, it helps to know that you are not alone.

When you’re aware of frustration bubbling up, consider the following:

• Pause and do a reality check
• Step away if it’s safe to do so
• Take ten deep, slow breaths
• Take a quick walk, if possible

By caring for yourself as much as you care for others, you’ll be better able to meet the challenges of the journey.

Could it be a misdiagnosis?

Misdiagnosis happens more often than you think, and it occurs more frequently for older adults than for others. There are myriad reasons why: Symptoms of many health concerns mimic or overlap those of other conditions, and older adults typically have multiple health issues. Disease symptoms can present differently in older adults. A medical professional may overlook symptoms, order a wrong test, misread results, or misattribute something to normal aging. And sometimes the symptoms themselves aren’t well remembered or are hard for the older adult to describe.

If your loved one is undergoing treatment but not improving, or if they have received a life-changing diagnosis, it may be wise to ask for a second opinion. This is not an outrageous or offensive request. In fact, it’s pretty commonly done. Here are some tips to help you advocate for your relative:

Listen to your instinct. If something about your loved one feels off, speak up! You know them best.

Talk to the primary care physician. Ask your relative’s doctor whom to see for a second opinion. Perhaps another local physician or an out-of-town specialist. Ideally, a geriatrician. You can also look online or ask friends and family members for a recommendation.

Go prepared. The more information about your loved one’s situation you can share, the better. Before you go, gather relevant test results, treatment plans, and prescriptions. Make notes to share about family history and new or worsening symptoms. Have medical records sent to the new provider. Bring a list of questions to ask. And send those questions to the doctor ahead of time, too. You might ask about prognosis and how they ruled out other diagnoses. Also, the risks, benefits, and effectiveness of the proposed treatment. And if any other treatments are available.

Stay attuned. If things still feel “off,” it’s appropriate to ask for a third opinion to ensure your loved one is getting the treatment they need.